Musings and Mumbles

 I completed my con circuit this year with Direbrook - a local, 18+ start-up fantasy convention. I really, really enjoyed it, honestly, and I can't wait til next year. I have plans for actual Con gear, which has *never* happened before. I'd wanted to, but just never had the time to do it. Also, frankly, I don't have the energy to do the currently popular "it's a week til con, let's see what we can bang out while working full time on top of it". It's just not the vibe I'm going for, and it leaves me more exhausted than happy with the final product. So, with that said, I'm going to be working on 2 costumes for the upcoming year.  1. I want to do a fix-it fae, complete with a working bandolier of threads, a belt with a pouch filled with fabric fusion glue and various ribbons and braids, and forearm bracers with small snip scissors, pins, and needles. The wings will be chiffon that's been painted into a patchwork motif, and the gown and bodice ...

I've been seeing a thing going around about how, if you immigrate to America, you'd better speak English and basically change everything about yourself to fit into "our" white, Christian ethnocentric society, because "our" values are being diminished and taken away by immigrants and asylum seekers. News flash: they aren't. If you're new here to my page, buckle up, buttercup. Because I'm about to put down some truths that are gonna be difficult to deal with. This rhetoric was around at least 5 years ago in 2020. I found references to it dated in 2020 on Reddit r/atheism thread. I found more references to it from 2002, in a legal battle involving naturalized citizens who were sent the statement via email from a Co-worker who felt they didn't meet the criteria to be in the US because they had such a thick accent ( https://law.justia.com/cases/federal/district-courts/FSupp2/347/955/2421986/). So , this isn't a "new" idea, and cer...

 How did we get here? Why the hell... How the hell... For all the bullshit that I learned had happened while we were together, I never thought I'd hear something like this at all. Being a white knight was all a projection. All just a way to deflect actions that were playing out behind my back, hidden from me both because of the level of experience in hiding it, and my unwillingness to look further. The last few years, the facade cracked, and more truth was exposed than was ever expected. Then last year, I found out about what happened with a few people who'd stopped talking to me - because of my association with him. They assumed since I was still there, I'd side with him.  And they'd have been right. At the time, I had a small child, I was fighting to keep a relationship together after things had been so badly broken with Korina... I stayed because I didn't know who I was without him at that point, and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to find my way with a small...

Generalizations give someone exactly what they're looking for, and nothing more than that. Human beings are hard-wired to look for things that fit our narrative, and we're very uncomfortable when we can't find it. We'll make up things to make it look more like what we believe (I'm looking at you, Fox news), and when we can't do that, we complain that we can't make up lies because there's too much truth out there. I have radical ideas about crime, and homelessness, and why our current American society is the way it is, and why right now, we have the last opportunity to really change things for the better, if the majority of us actually stand up and act on it. The capitalization of our own work, to the point of slavery, has come to a head at this point. The majority of workers in America end up working long hours, barely making even, and placing themselves further into debt because the cost of living has increased to an astronomical high. We do not have a ...

Growing up in the 80s, I had an eclectic taste for songs. Musicals, folk, rock, new wave, punk, goth, pop... I didn't have a preference. It was the song that spoke to me, more than the artist. If the chords struck a nerve, if the lyrics talked to my soul... That's what got me. One song in particular has been dancing in my periphery of late: Billy Joel's "Getting Closer". The album as a whole was quite good, but I currently just keep hearing it in my head. It speaks to me about where I am right now, where I want to be... Working on things both internally and externally. The lyrics underscore my daily rhythm right now, and my heart keeps time with it.  https://youtu.be/PLsXrgtalbA?si=7eTRssQplg7KwW9w [VERSE 1] ] I went searching for the truth But in my innocence I found All the con men and their acrobats Who stomped me in the ground If I count up their percentages I know they're getting rich But they haven't taken everything Those paybacks are a bitch [PRE-C...

Pre-amble - this is a very, very long post. It covers roughly 19 years of my life - from my perspective - with a person I'd thought was an amazing human being, who instead turned out to be mentally, emotionally, and even verbally abusive to people he claimed to love. There's a lot here, so if you don't want to dive in, I understand.  __________________ I've spent the last year, trying to figure out how to explain what happened in a way that wasn't going to be a "he said, she said" type of situation. I've stopped myself from publishing things so many times I've lost count. I've kept quiet about situations for *years*, because I didn't want to rock the boat, or seem ungrateful, or be taken as just being spiteful for the sake of spite - or being taken to task by him, because HOW DARE I MAKE HIM LOOK BAD. I've kept mum about a lot of things over the years because I was afraid of losing friends who might feel like they were being forced to t...