Radio face

 I am not conventionally pretty. I wouldn't be considered handsome by most people.

I was having a conversation with someone this last weekend with a gentleman who had been assisting the recent convention I attended. He said "I love that quote from Hefestes when he tells Persephone 'I'm not handsome, but I can make beautiful things.' Of course, I'm... (gestures to himself)... me, so in fact, I *am* handsome, AND I make beautiful things."

I don't know whether it was a dig at me, or just him being what turned out to be fairly narcissistic (which, considering his home location, isn't surprising). Either way, however, I've always struggled with my physical appearance, and can't see why others might find me attractive at all. 

I quite literally have the face and body for radio. Which, I mean, is fine. It's not like I can hide it behind makeup or a artful clothing drapes. I didn't wake up one morning, look in the mirror, and suddenly, "SURPRISE! You're fat!". 

I'm realistic about what I look like. I'm the monster that fashion icons warn young girls about. I'm the nightmare that models at their peak fear turning into.

Spending my time at the event made me realize that I do still find some people attractive, if I find them mentally interesting enough. But I know better than to say anything. People who are both mentally and physically attractive are usually in a relationship - sometimes several. It's not something I want to embarrass myself with by saying "hey - you're really amazing, and intelligent, and I'd love to have coffee or something sometime." It's just not done. Not by me.

All that to say - I am resigned to stay single from this point forward in my life. I'll be fine, and I'll deal with my own inadequacies on my own. I spent too long having them repeatedly shoved down my throat by someone else. I do just fine doing that myself. 

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