Musings and Mumbles

 Over the years, I've sewn about 60 or so quilts for people. It might be more, but I don't think so. They've been for birthdays, for foster kids, for family members... They've been a baby's first blanket, and a mother's cancer quilt.  With all of them, though, the overarching thought has always been to provide comfort for the receiver. When I make something, especially something that's designed to be such a close comfort for the person, I believe in setting intensions during the creation of it. I set up a stream of music or movies that make me happy.  I make the house smell good, and every piece I touch I focus positive thoughts of love, comfort, and hope into them. I don't know whether this honestly makes a difference for those who have received these blankets.  It doesn't matter, though. The fact is, the pieces I've made are unique, provide comfort, and make the individual feel special. Sometimes, that's enough. Sometimes, that's all th...

 Sometimes, you find out long after a relationship has gone south exactly how twisted the narrative has become about you. I am *not* an angel. Not in any sense of the word. However, neither did I *ever* promise to fix things that were completely out of my control. Case in point - my son's child support. In our state, it ends at age 18, whether the child continues in school or not. The child does have the option to restart it, by filling out paperwork, having the school fill out paperwork, and then being careful to fulfill the expectations of the state and the school until he graduates. When it ended, we got one final payment, which was the lump sum back child support still owed, due to the Ex not paying in January and February of 2025. And right there was the subject of the public post the Ex wrote, taking my name in vain about it.  The post stated: "Back when my child support started, {my name} was gracious enough to explicitly state she didn't want the to come after me f...

 Anyone who's been in a relationship with a narcissist or a manipulative person will tell you just how hard it is to get out of it. In most romantic relationships, they start subtly, to test the waters - usually to confirm whether you're interested in being there with them. As things progress, they might love bomb you while telling you all about their last ex, and how horrible they were compared to you. They'll buy you small presents, and remind you daily how lovely and wonderful you are, all while confirming and strengthening their hold on you.  After about 6 months to a year, the love-boming will start to calm down. They'll go on tirades about their exes, while staring at you for the correct response. They'll seek confirmation of their righteousness from you, as well as from others. If you question them, they'll break you down, tell you how horrible it is for you to question them when all they've ever done has been to support you, comfort you, and provide ...

 As a divorcee x2, I'm well aware of my own shortcomings. I have been repeating them over and over in my head long enough that it's old hat, really. Yet, when faced with another retelling of the most recent marriage demise, and subsequent child support drama, I am once again tossed into a self-loathing spiral.  The picture painted by others is never as pretty as you might want it, and I get that. I certainly am not kind when I do tend to speak of some of the things that happened. I'm also aware that my retelling is equally colored with frustration and anger.  However, I do try to accept my role (or lack thereof) in the situation. I was no more innocent in them than he was... I'm not shocked. Not in the least. I watched him verbally eviscerate his ex's for 19 years - calling them every name under the sun, claiming that they were ultimately responsible for everything bad about his life at that specific juncture... As though, had they been perfect, he would have had su...

 I am not conventionally pretty. I wouldn't be considered handsome by most people. I was having a conversation with someone this last weekend with a gentleman who had been assisting the recent convention I attended. He said "I love that quote from Hefestes when he tells Persephone 'I'm not handsome, but I can make beautiful things.' Of course, I'm... (gestures to himself)... me, so in fact, I *am* handsome, AND I make beautiful things." I don't know whether it was a dig at me, or just him being what turned out to be fairly narcissistic (which, considering his home location, isn't surprising). Either way, however, I've always struggled with my physical appearance, and can't see why others might find me attractive at all.  I quite literally have the face and body for radio. Which, I mean, is fine. It's not like I can hide it behind makeup or a artful clothing drapes. I didn't wake up one morning, look in the mirror, and suddenly, ...

 I completed my con circuit this year with Direbrook - a local, 18+ start-up fantasy convention. I really, really enjoyed it, honestly, and I can't wait til next year. I have plans for actual Con gear, which has *never* happened before. I'd wanted to, but just never had the time to do it. Also, frankly, I don't have the energy to do the currently popular "it's a week til con, let's see what we can bang out while working full time on top of it". It's just not the vibe I'm going for, and it leaves me more exhausted than happy with the final product. So, with that said, I'm going to be working on 2 costumes for the upcoming year.  1. I want to do a fix-it fae, complete with a working bandolier of threads, a belt with a pouch filled with fabric fusion glue and various ribbons and braids, and forearm bracers with small snip scissors, pins, and needles. The wings will be chiffon that's been painted into a patchwork motif, and the gown and bodice ...