Musings and Mumbles

 It's been a minute. Not that I haven't been around, there's just been a lot to deal with on this side. I'm going to warn you now - this is a trigger warning post, if ever there was one from me. Eating disorders, self-loathing, self-harm, etc. If you don't want to read it, look away, sweet child, look away. . . . With that said... The therapist kicked me in the head this month, and it really fucking hurt. Still reeling from it, and I'm not sure how to deal with it, other than just to keep writing about it. That feels safer than talking directly to someone, somehow. Like TikTok content creators, the words used in blogs can be curated, adjusted, and manipulated to create a better, more attractive version. No matter how I put it, I can't make this post attractive, though. I am a ball of existential dread, wrapped in raw nerve endings at the moment. It hurts to breathe most days, because I don't know what's going to hit, or when. And the feeling most oft...

  The median single yearly income in America now is $48, 600. This is the average reported gross income (before taxes) here in the US. This income covers the vast majority (over 70%)of working adults. The tax rate on this income, as of 2026, is $5,578 + 22% of the gross income. This means, when we do the math, that a working single adult making $48,600 will have to pay the following: $5,578 + $10,692= $16,270 That means that total they get to take home every year is only $32,330 IF you don't take into account the average state taxes of $4800 (15% of your gross income), which would THEN give you $27,480/year. For the HIGHEST based bracket, if you make over $626,000/year, you would pay $188,780 + 37%. So, if you made $650,000, the math would be: $188,780 + $240,500 = $429,280 for Federal income tax This would mean that the gross federal income would be $220,720. $123,220 after 15% state taxes. And I get it... That top tier tax seems like a presumptuous amount of money to expec...

I recently started removing people in my friend's list who were still actively using AI to write or "create" art for fun and profit... I posted that I was done with these people, and would be unfriending them. I got pushback from one of them saying they were "sorry" I felt that way.  In that instance, I realized that there were people who simply didn't get it. Even now, even with all the information available on AI, what it does, what it's done, and why we are in a finite sliver of time available to stop the progression of it.  AI isn't "just" a cute way of having your likeness drawn in whatever style you want it to be.  It's literally stolen art from actual artists, to draw a prompt you've given it. This has been proven in court cases, BTW, not just hyperbole. Your prompt is taking, for free, someone's hard work, for you to "have fun". Some (if not half) of these artists make their art for a living. Many of these arti...

 This is not a "normal" post of this type. I've had suicidal thoughts and ideation for years. It got worse over time due to Mis-diagnosis and being incorrectly treated with the wrong meds. These types of thoughts go hand in hand with Autism and ADHD brains, because we become so overwhelmed with situations, unable to untangle the knots that are being more rapidly deployed than we can handle. While we might understand why we are facing the challenges logically, we don't understand the reasoning behind why the situation has been placed in front of us. We can see a solution, but it completely bypasses what we're told we *have* to do - and we don't have the power to bypass it, either. So, when I say that I am currently unable to find myself worth more alive than not, it's not for dramatic effect or attention. I truly don't see another way out at this point, and the way forward is only going to get worse.  I have insurance policies that pay out regardless of...

 I've been thinking about this a lot of late the idea of what is aloneness vs what is loneliness. With the advent of 2020's first go-round of Covid, the panic, the lockdown, and the reduction of many people's lives outside the home because of it, we are finding out the long-term challenges of both of these.  I always thought I was comfortable being alone. In some ways, I definitely am. I love going to gatherings and being amongst people, but I need - no, crave - time alone for sometimes days afterward, in quiet and solitude.  As a child, I was more often with my nose in a book than asking challenging or difficult questions. I think I read because I didn't want to make my parents upset. I did love to read, but I was a people pleaser - and reading made my mother so proud.  While I had friends in school, they were very few and far between. Kids are as cruel as some of the people demanding attention right now. I learned that if I had self-depreciating humor and a quick w...

 Over the years, I've sewn about 60 or so quilts for people. It might be more, but I don't think so. They've been for birthdays, for foster kids, for family members... They've been a baby's first blanket, and a mother's cancer quilt.  With all of them, though, the overarching thought has always been to provide comfort for the receiver. When I make something, especially something that's designed to be such a close comfort for the person, I believe in setting intensions during the creation of it. I set up a stream of music or movies that make me happy.  I make the house smell good, and every piece I touch I focus positive thoughts of love, comfort, and hope into them. I don't know whether this honestly makes a difference for those who have received these blankets.  It doesn't matter, though. The fact is, the pieces I've made are unique, provide comfort, and make the individual feel special. Sometimes, that's enough. Sometimes, that's all th...