Alone vs Lonely

 I've been thinking about this a lot of late the idea of what is aloneness vs what is loneliness.

With the advent of 2020's first go-round of Covid, the panic, the lockdown, and the reduction of many people's lives outside the home because of it, we are finding out the long-term challenges of both of these. 

I always thought I was comfortable being alone. In some ways, I definitely am. I love going to gatherings and being amongst people, but I need - no, crave - time alone for sometimes days afterward, in quiet and solitude. 

As a child, I was more often with my nose in a book than asking challenging or difficult questions. I think I read because I didn't want to make my parents upset. I did love to read, but I was a people pleaser - and reading made my mother so proud. 

While I had friends in school, they were very few and far between. Kids are as cruel as some of the people demanding attention right now. I learned that if I had self-depreciating humor and a quick wit, I could get rid of 95% of the kids who were there, and another 4% by simply speaking.

It was just easier. I didn't have boyfriends or girlfriends in high school, because A. no one showed interest in me, and B. because I didn't fit in with the rest of my social group, I was regularly reminded that I wasn't accepted by the social group. The one time I had an interest in someone, it backfired intensely. So, nothing in high school... And only two in college.

It wasn't until I hit 30, after my first marriage failed, that I finally lived on my own for the first time in my life. No family, no roommates, no lovers in my space. Just me and my cat.

I learned about myself that year, but I wasn't completely alone - I was involved that gap year with a guy who'd become my second ex-husband 20 years later.

Now I'm 52, living in a teeny apartment with my 18 year old son, and I can honestly say I feel lonely. The last year, my friends have moved further and further away from the city, and I don't have the ability to see them regularly any longer. I'd thought I would be OK, and that I'd adjust to simply being alone, but... 

I don't connect to people unless I see them physically, so I guess now I know how older generations have felt being left while their families have moved away. It's frightening, and sad, and so lonely.

So, all that to say - when you see someone struggling, and you aren't sure what to do... Just step up and do something for them. It might not feel like a lot for you, but it might help that person.