Done.. With everything.

 This is not a "normal" post of this type.

I've had suicidal thoughts and ideation for years. It got worse over time due to Mis-diagnosis and being incorrectly treated with the wrong meds.

These types of thoughts go hand in hand with Autism and ADHD brains, because we become so overwhelmed with situations, unable to untangle the knots that are being more rapidly deployed than we can handle.

While we might understand why we are facing the challenges logically, we don't understand the reasoning behind why the situation has been placed in front of us. We can see a solution, but it completely bypasses what we're told we *have* to do - and we don't have the power to bypass it, either.

So, when I say that I am currently unable to find myself worth more alive than not, it's not for dramatic effect or attention. I truly don't see another way out at this point, and the way forward is only going to get worse. 

I have insurance policies that pay out regardless of how I die, and those would pay the outstanding bills, plus leave a small sum afterward for my son. 

My only honest hesitation at this point is that I don't have a safe space for my son to be if I go. He needs one, because for now, he is still learning how to be an adult. The world is scary, and the current political party in charge would rather he not be around at all.

And I don't know if I'll be able to wait for that safe space to open up, because everything is piling on exponentially. I just... I don't know how I'm going to dig my way out of this at this point. I'm not getting help, I'm not making ends meet... And each choice I've made in the last 3 years has just gotten me further buried. I'm done. I'm just done in. 

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